| It's one thing i never said I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head... |
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[09 Oct 2006|12:54pm] |
I don’t know.
I mean, this is exactly the reason I didn’t want one to begin with.
Now I’m tangled in this web; tangled in emotions pulling me in two different directions.
This is exactly why I didn’t want one.
I love it, but its crazy. At some points, its absolutely insane.
And it scares me.
How can you feel so free at one time of the night, and then in a few hours so smothered?
How will you ever end this if the time comes?
How can you end it, when you hate it and love it at the same time?
And in all this chaos, my mind just keeps repeating, “Katie, you were never, ever, ever good with them.”
on the contrary, the other thing on my mind.
The sun last night was beautiful. The twinkle, the rays, and the warmth it at times gave me. But you shouldn't be here sun; it’s not your time to shine. It is nighttime, the moons time to be out. You must wait your time. However, you are most beautiful.
Just like novels, life itself has its symbols. maybe I don't like the sun, maybe the sun symbolizes freedom to me in my mind, and maybe that's why I'm attracted to it so much.
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| wooooooo-hooooooo!!!! |
[27 Jan 2006|12:45pm] |
i feel Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo free!!!!!
no more math b regents, no more regents till summer.!!!!!!!!! i dont care if i fail math b regents cuz at this point, i took it twice, and i studied hard. so ohh well.
<333katie
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[23 Jan 2006|08:26pm] |
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i feel like i should be sudying or soemthing. but you cant study for english =/
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[16 Jan 2006|10:31pm] |
it came....i think? weird stuff. i ate 5 million bajillion cookies. and studied 101 vocab words. and sucked in math b.
I CANT WAIT FOR THE 11 DAYS OF TORTURE TO BE OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FINALS + REGENTS. THEY = TORTURE!!
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| the 'P' word that makes BOYS scream...."EWWWWWWW!" |
[12 Jan 2006|04:57pm] |
i hate my period. if it only followed a nice little schedule then i'd be happy with it. Sadly, like myslef, my Period has nooooooo conception of time what-so-ever....i guess you can say Like girl, like period (girl being me- trying to be funny with using the like father like son saying). I dont even remember the last time i had it......december? early december? im DUE. Sometimes it waits a whole month. the stupid period.
i wish i could get it on a nice schedule.
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[04 Jan 2006|06:33pm] |
i hate roasted chicken. it stinks. the smell is gross, and it ruins mashed potatoes for me. and everything. barrrrrrrrrrrffff.
i feel sick.....
Boys and the smell of roasted chicken make my stomach turn and do flips....but not in a good way.
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[02 Jan 2006|02:51pm] |
ima write on here more often, more privacy, less stupid ass opinions on how i should live my life. i'm going to get jeanettes birfday present today since her birthday is next monday. I love that girlie.
everything is back to normal again. =D <33
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| I think i need a new heart |
[01 Jan 2006|10:23am] |
"This is the epitaph for my heart because it's gone, gone gone
and life goes on and on anon and death goes on, world without end ..."
oi.
i got 4 hrs of sleep.
and 500 minutes of crying.
and i still feel like im going
to be sick.
dead. die dead die? sick throw up. vomit. regurgitate. UP!Chuck. barf.
how many words apply to the same ugly word. and yet,there is only one for love in english.
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| i can't take it.. |
[09 Aug 2005|01:41am] |
Important to read...
Regrets don't exist. Regret is just another word for the "what if's" in life. The things i most fear in life are decisions and regrets.
this is just about me..(you dont have to read if you dont want to)
- I hate confusion.
- I hate hurting people's feelings.
- I hate decisions, i cant even decide what i want to wear in the morning.
- i dislike mushy gushy things.
- i hate feelings.
- jerks.
- when people try to tell me what i am.
- that i cant tell everything to one person.
- i hate rumors.
- i wish i knew exactly what kind of person everyone is.
- i wish i knew exactly what to do in every situation.
- im not a whore.
- i dont go for just any guy that comes my way.
- i usually fall for assholes.
- i care too much about everyone else's views.
- i cant do certain things with certain people.
- i am confused.
- i need help.
- i sound so emo.
- i wish it wasnt me.
- i love how my friend r.b. is here for me.
- i wish the things i hear werent true.
"so move, yeah move. so move, yeah move. I've got nowhere to go, I've got nowhere to go. so move, don't move so slow, don't move so slow. I can't take it, I can whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa"
im so sorry.
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[30 Apr 2005|12:53pm] |
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i really should care, in fact, it really shouldnt bother me...so why do i get the feeling that it does?
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| He doesn't have a name...hes a cricket, right here. |
[28 Apr 2005|10:29pm] |
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rawr. i wanted to delete all my old entries since i seem so little and immature back then. Then again in a small, weird way, it'd be somewhat like erasing history. Although the way i wrote was girly- girly petty style, it is how i used to write and i can't erase that. Plus, its amusing to read how stupid i sounded, and laugh at the immaturity. I'm also sure that later on in life, if I look back, I'll even say that my writing now is immature. I'm growing, and learning more and more each day. Reading my old entries just realize how much I have improved.
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[25 Apr 2005|03:52pm] |
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FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. times infinity.
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[28 Jan 2005|02:56pm] |
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ehh. gotta outline some stupid stuff for global. barett is not the greatest teacher. but anyways...nothings new going on here. regents week is going on..so im home then go back tues. this week has had me inside most of time. i know, what a boring yet relaxing week by myself.
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[08 Jan 2005|12:03pm] |
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Colorguard was hell yesterday. plain hell. My back was killed the whole day. And i mean really bad.
so i went to guard and im trying my best but they keep stopping us in right shoulder and my back was hurting so bad that i would actually have to bend down and up to relieve it. At one point i had to lay on the floor make it feel the least bit better.
ashley was spending an hr talking about bullshit. so i sat and marissa was like "katie are you even paying attention?!" and i wasnt in the mood so i screamed "yes i am listening. but i have a really really bad backache the whole day and i cant take it, it really hurts and ive been trying and doing this work!!" and ashley was like "well if your just going to sit you might as well just go home, my wrist hurts and im doing my best" and i was like "ive been doing my best too and i have to wait for lisa to go home" and she was like "Well you have a choice- either stay here and work or go home"
and i was crying because i was really really emotional today and shit and my back was really hurting and here i am torturing myself with staying up and doing work and i wasnt in the mood and they wouldnt even listen to me!
They were yelling at me that if im not going to work to go home, mean while both Alyssa and Marissa were sitting down! I was like how dare they yell at me and tell me to go home mean while Alyssa and Marissa are sitting there doing nothing? What are they special? Do they have more special Priveledges than me? So i stayed for a few minutes. then i decided i couldnt take it. I packed up my shit and left. I decided not to take shit from everyone anymore. Lisa left with me.
Mom helped me realize yesterday that i shouldnt take shit from anyone anymore. I shouldn't let myself feel like total shit just because people sometimes treat me like it. I decided today i will stick up for myself more.I know in the past i said i would and didnt, but this time i mean it.
After yesterdays incident, i had enough.
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[01 Jan 2005|07:03pm] |
today, eliza and i made this really aweosome birthday card. i dont exactly know who will be the lucky winner of this card, but i can assure you, they will love it.
im okay.
i need to do something tomorrow. need to hangout to end the good week.
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[31 Dec 2004|04:57pm] |
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Today i learned that Mint Cookie chillers are not as good as the regular cookie chiller.
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[28 Nov 2004|02:46pm] |
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mom came home from the movies with dad in a horrible mood. todays been shit. woke up and did nothing. watched some boy meets world episodes, which were pretty interesting. i left the tv for frank. mom came home asked about the football game and then yelled at me for not letting frank watch football. first of all, frank came up a half hr ago and ate his breakfast. then watched 1 episode (equivalent to 1 half hr) of a boy meets world episode. then told mom he was up here at one. mom yelled and said "katie you know sunday is football day" what the hell? Second of all, she has no say in what i watch when shes out watching a movie. Third of all, just because her and frankie watch football, doesnt mean everyone does. oh wait, in moms world, she is everyone. Dad was on my side and said that football should be watched downstairs, not up here and that not everyone likes football. Out of mom, dad, sue, eddie, frankie and me, only mom and frankie watch it. Thats 2 out of 6. that is not majority, that isnt even half. but mom is majority to herself i guess.
but anyway...im starting to write in here more. less people read it or actually care, which means less drama causing stuff.
todays a bore and im not so excentric.
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[26 Nov 2004|10:10pm] |
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you dont need the ones who make you unhappy. those are the ones who will hurt you. you dont need me. i will somehow end up hurting you. i have the special touch. everything i touch will eventually turn to ashes.
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[14 Aug 2004|05:09pm] |
god. some people have nothing better to do than put others down. i seriously find this kid so stupid. he prob. doesnt even know im talking about him. but Johnnylandinyo thinks hes better than the rest and i must say, it aggrivates me at the most. with his little "johnny facts" and shit. wow can we say we love ourself anymore??! i mean. im not even like that. that is plainly pathetic.
but on other words. nothings new. todays boring. and nobody even reads this except for me. so goodbye myself.
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